Sports Anxiety Disorder

Title : I'll be there for you
original title: I'll be there for you
Author: X-Phylia (xphylia@yahoo.com)
Idea translation: the Phantom Lady (pipermaru)
Translation: Soleil
Disclaimer: "Again??! This bieeenn.
1013 belong to the Fox network and Happy? 2
Disclaimer: "I'll be there for you" is a song by Bon Jovi, but do not make a scandal, only took a couple of lines. And this is NOT a song fic about
Rating: PG maybe. Just a few words
Category: friendship MS (with a tendency to MSR), MA
Archive: Sure, just let me know
Reference: None. The story takes place around Season 6
Summary: the tragedies in the lives of Mulder begins to wreak havoc.

be there for you
For X-Phylia (xphylia@yahoo.com)

Thank God it's Friday. It's been a long week. No X-Files, or puzzling
autopsies, or reprimands from our superiors. Yes,
this has been a long week and boring. Even Mulder
is quieter than normal.
I've noticed that lately we do not ask if we are well,
probably because we are tired of the automatic "I'm fine" you get in response
. Just not need to ask. We know.

We are in your apartment, this place I've ever messed
come to know as well as mine. Just as the owner.
I can read a book.
ate some pizza and drank beer, talked a little.
The TV is turned on, we're supposedly watching a cheap movie
science fiction in which Mulder did not even seem interested.
do not pay attention, I am very busy looking. Does not look good, but will not ask anything
. I can tell by the way looks off screen, so
fallen from his shoulders, by the way with difficulty swallowing too
followed by irregular breathing. I do not think you are sick, but I know
not right.

He also knows me very well. He knows that I realized how shy and quiet
is.
He has behaved well lately, turning
introspective and moody without reason. No, wait, that's not entirely correct: the reason is the lack of work
. Like now, for example. But do not deceive myself. Mulder
has several reasons to be depressed. Heck, sometimes I do not understand how
became the man who is after all what happened in the past.
is ironic that tells me I'm strong. Well, I am,
but my strength comes from a family safe and almost always happy, loving parents who gave me their support
and protective brothers. He has never had that, and still
and managed not only to survive but also became a good
person. A good friend. My best friend.

We are sitting on the sink to 30cm away. I watch him furtively and
inhale deeply, but does not turn to face me. His hands are at your
sides, motionless. Take your left hand in mine. I like his hands
. My sister Melissa would say that hands
say a lot of people, but I've never been good at reading palms hands.
Only the subject, as I always do that are sick or injured and
rub it with my thumbs. It may not be good at reading palms, but the fact that he
let me do it, says a lot about your mood. I can almost hear the
confusion within him.
"Mulder" I say gently. Go
saliva and hides his head, rubbing his eyes and nose with hand
her free. Turn to look at me, grab a pillow and carefully lowers
until his head is on my lap.

I am now passing saliva, and I can hardly hold back the tears.
I wonder if you know how much it hurts him sad. Not crying, but
if moans very slowly, which does not mean better. Take comfort and
should need it much, so so openly that it is asking. Step
my fingers through your hair, enjoying the gentle touch, and squeeze your arm
time to time. He remains there very still, his disturbed state of mind
shown in the rigidity of their muscles and breathing something
incostante. I do not know what should do: try to calm him down or say it's okay if you want to mourn
and so relieved.
"What if you rub your back?" I offer in return. Immediately
rises. His head is now resting on the couch and holds pillow
in my lap. On an impulse, I grab the end of his pole
gray and up, and I am surprised because it helps me do this.
Once rid of the pole, it is very quiet again.

Luckily, my hands are warm and begin to pass on your skin
naked. It feels so good, but I feel a little guilty, like I
were taking advantage of their vulnerability. I try to calm my mind
thinking that he must be enjoying it too.
not the first time I realized the marks on his back. I've never met
enough poise to ask about them, perhaps
because I'm not sure I wanted to know the answer.
A Despite his frequent objections to treat it as their 'mother',
think that deep down likes. Most men I've
state had run out of a situation like this unless
calculated sex in a rather close future.
And many other things Mulder is different. Not often I can get close
much, but when it does, almost no need to use words.
He comes to me knowing that I'll be there for him.

remember a very difficult case in Sacramento, where we had to do
team with one of his jealous ex-colleagues of Violent Crime. I
affected in various ways. First, never seen him do a
profile before and it scared me a lot. Second, this idiot actually
mocked him, Dark was the nicest thing he said. With much
happy to have shot the bastard if I had not Mulder same
convinced otherwise. And finally, I realized for the first time I
should have been for him to work in that section for three years, be
very good, only to have others laugh at him and take all the credit
.
This time, once alone and safe in our journey home, he arrecostó
timidly on my shoulder. He was exhausted, and following
their usual behavior when you profiles, hardly slept at all that week.
was so moved by the implicit trust that I almost fall apart. I knew
professional indifference was so quiet and refined
only a mask, his nightmares were the most obvious crack in their costumes.
But that was the first time consciously, let me know how
felt alone and vulnerable. I held her until she fell asleep and
smiled to myself when I realized that all the aircraft flight attendants threw me jealous glances
anything discrete.
All they could see was a very handsome man sleeping in my lap.

My fingers rub the taut muscles of his neck and feel
relax a little. It fits again and now your stomach is in my lap,
giving me access to his other shoulder, but his face is still buried in the
pillow under her arms crossed. Clearly in no mood to talk and probably not
will listen. Anyway what I can say
to relieve your pain? Now I'm doing all I can
by him, keep him comfortable and make you feel I'm here.

The TV is still turned on, the film that was forgotten long ago.
grab the remote and turned it off. Reached the remote control without disturbing other
much Mulder and turn on the radio. The two need a little quiet now
music.
resume my work, focusing on your lower back, my thumbs
pressure on the sides of your spine, up and down. Another trick I learned from Melissa
. She sure knew how to give a massage that left you made
gelatin. God, I miss my sister.

My hands touch his side and slide under your chest and stomach,
but stop just below your navel, I will not make you feel uncomfortable
. My thumbs now draw circles on top of your kidneys. I do not know how long
has passed, I do not care. Would do this all night if necessary
.
Mulder turns on his right side, giving me the face. I smile and he tries to smile too
. I put my arm under his neck to hold it better,
my right hand still rubbing his back.
It breaks my heart that this beautiful man beautiful soul
did not have anyone to do this for him. Even his mother, and I do not ever
someone entrusted both. Perhaps that's why I like dealing with
him occasionally. Tries to compensate for lost time. Kiss her forehead

smiling, doing everything I can to hide my thoughts
. Not that I can hide much, but I think tonight
is very upset to notice.
"Mulder" I muttered. "Whatever is bothering you, let it out.
questions will not only uphold you."
nods slightly.
"And do not tell anyone either," he whispered in the ear kidding.
saliva passes again and puts his hand around my waist, burying her face in my belly
.
"Okay, Pour over" I say gently without breaking the physical contact.
"Okay," I continue
bass and relaxing until you feel her body trembling against mine
.

is crying, not loud groans, are low sobs filled
distress. Her tears smell like old pains and sorrows, and I have a hunch
that should have been shed long ago. The mezzo
smoothly and it continues its catharsis, weak and trembling in my arms
. Point pulled his blanket and covers, making sure to wrap it well.
My arms and legs should be screaming for a break, but in a way
do not. It's as if my whole body was devoted to giving
entire refuge and comfort you need.
I bend down to kiss his cheek, feeling the salty moisture on my lips
. My fingers removed a lock of brown hair from his forehead, then travel
his face through his chin and neck, where I put my hand to caress your delicate skin
. He shudders slightly when touched and put his own
hand over mine. Tired

suddenly Mulder breathes deeply and slowly tears
stop. Quickly move your hand toward your face, but I stop. "Let me do
"
rub her swollen eyes with the back of my index finger, wiping tears
remaining. Keep your eyes closed for a moment, then
take my hand and kisses her.
dangerously smile and my eyes begin to fill with tears. This time
realizes itself and stands leaning on his arm to clean
my tears.
"Come here" I say, helping to stop. It does, breathing deeply,
I change my site and hug him, guiding his head to my shoulder.
"Are you feeling better?" he asked kindly, patting his neck
. Sorry nod.
"Do you want a glass of water?"
"Still" answers in a hoarse whisper. "Just hold me a little longer, yeah?"
as whether you can deny something now. I put the blanket around her and I stronger
my embrace.
"Thank you, Dana"
Now call me Dana. Oh oh.
"In all, Fox"
"No. .." begin to say, but then stops with a giggle. "You know, that
matter. You can call me anytime. We've won it."
"Thank you Fox! Is an honor!" kidding.
"Do not abuse, right?"

remain on the couch a little longer in silence, except for the
radio. The volume is really low, but I recognize the ballad, a hit
80s. "I'll be there for you, swear words"
singing along with the song.
"You will?" I hear you ask, rising to my eyes.
"What?"
"Being there for me?" says sheepishly.
I'm about to scold him for asking a question obvious, but I bite my tongue
. It's very emotional right now and may already know the answer, but you need to listen
say it.
"Absolutely, Mulder," I say reassuring.
smiles and replace her head on my shoulder, releasing the breath that had been holding
.
"Nobody ever told me that, you know." I confess.
"Is that why you were crying?"
dare to ask me "You said you not ask"
"I know, sorry. I just do not want you to think I do not want to hear"
remains silent for a few minutes.
"I do not know where to start. ... Some things are hard to say them to
me. Even you, "he says.
" Mulder's okay, I'm not demanding. I'm just saying that if
need to talk, I'm going to hear "
" Someday I'll tell you, Scully. But there are some things I have to fix myself first
"
" I understand. I can wait "
" Scully? "
" Yes? "
" Would you stay with me tonight? "Please?" That tonito
again. If you asked me to dance polka, I would.
"No plans to leave you alone Mulder. Also, I'm very tired and the idea of
use that comfortable bed that you never use is tempting
"Could ... sleep there too? I will behave well, I promise "claims
" Mulder ... "
I look back with bowed head and an air of loneliness and desolation
that breaks my heart.
" I'm so tired Scully, you do not have to worry "smile,
only his voice betrays the sadness behind those words.
"Okay, Mulder. But be warned: I snore "joke.
" No, I do "replies with a grin." I would have
Account
I notice the hint and pretend frowning, but say nothing.

We are lying in bed, staring into the darkness.
I left my side, and the right, with our hands folded in medium.
"Do you ever felt like you do, Scully?" I asked.
"So what?"
"Como .. you're tired of living and do not want to sleep because you fear
not find any good reason to get up in the morning," explains
me as something as mundane as a stomach ache.
Is this as normal for him?
"Mulder, are you so often?"
"Yes, but before you say I know you'll say, let me say something.
I know. It is commonly known as depression, stress disorder Post Traumatic
in my case. It is about things that happened to me
long ago. I endured this for years, I can handle. "
squeeze his hand under the blankets, thinking of the scars on his body
, and even though I told him he would hear whatever
had to say, I have the impression that there much pain and suffering in their past.
"You're much stronger than what you yourself believe, Mulder," I say sincerely
.
"How can you say that after seeing me crying like a baby?" I asked innocently
, and for some reason, that bothers me.
"Mulder, you know that it is not. Do not cry because you had hurt a finger
or because mommy will not let you watch your TV show Favorite "I say abruptly
.
" It's just ... I do not feel so strong lately.
does not take much to lose control, keep things under control. "
says this with gritted teeth.
" Maybe it's because you're reaching your limit to 'cope'
things, like you it said, and it's time to let it out "I suggest.
Now it's your turn to say things abruptly.
" Do not act like a psychologist with me, Scully, please not stand it. The
psychologists do not have the slightest idea. As if it were that easy "God
. Who did this to Mulder? Who could have hurt both?
"Mulder, come here I come and I put my arms around him.
begins to mourn again. "I'm sorry honey, I did not upset you"
hug while I caress your back trying to calm him, but
after approximately twenty minutes before it starts to calm down.
"Okay, Mulder. Quiet now, try to calm down" injected
His red eyes glow in the dim light that shines in the
room.
As soon begins to breathe normally speaks.
"I know I'm fucked up, Scully. Just wanted to know if people feel
normal and once in a while."
The pure loneliness and pain, tacit in his words, risk
overwhelming and my defenses are low.
"There are normal people, Mulder," I say trying to evade
question, but does not believe it.
"You know what I mean" insists
deep breath. "I think at some point we all want to send everything to
fly"
"You just happened?"
"I think that has happened, yes
" Who do you cry, Scully? " I asked softly.
Your question takes me by surprise and forces me to confront a subject that I do not feel comfortable
. But that's him trying to play psychologist with
Mulder. Yes I know your game!
"With my mom, usually" I reply with some resignation.
was about to add Melissa, but I control myself. Definitely not a good idea to mention
missing sisters for quite some time now.
"Lucky" sighs
Before you can help it, tears start to fall from my eyes.
"Listen to me, Mulder.'re Not alone. You are not alone. You come to me every time you need
"
"I know Dana. Maybe that's why I feel this way lately.
Now I can let go because I know you there "
Oh God, how can this man be so sweet.
"That's companion.'ll Be here. Now try to sleep, you're tired," you say
as I kiss her temple.
"Yes .." says almost asleep. And then, more awake "Dana?"
"Yes?"
"you would go ... you would go to me the next time you need someone to
mourn?" I asked hopefully, her hands pressed lightly the
mine.
"Yes, Fox, I will. After all, if you have your own doctor, I can have my own psychologist
not it?"
laughs.
"Thank you" whisper down my hair with his hand. Three seconds after
is fast asleep, still in my arms.

I see him sleeping.
"Good night, love whisper.
I look one last time before surrendering to sleep.
I listened.
is smiling. FIN



This was the first thing I wrote and is also one of my favorites.
was written long ago and I still reread every few years to polish
. I've also written a sequel called "A Room
dark"