IV III II
History written by : Agent Macgirl (xfiles_macgirl @ lycos) and XLiz (lizeth@tutopia.com).
Summary: When feelings of guilt take over more than your own spirit.
Disclaimer: The story is told here is a tribute to the television series The X-Files is not intended to violate copyright.
Type: Angst, XF, POV, MSR.
Timeline: The story is set after the events of Chapter Orison of the seventh year.
Spoilers: # 7ABx07Orison, # 4ABx02Teliko, # 1ABx12Fire, # 5ABx18Pine Bluff Variant.
Thanks :
Macgirl Agent: First I want to say I have a lot of fun writing with XLiz, and never thought I would share my ideas so easily with someone. I thank her for their collaboration, not only in writing this story, but with the videos. I hope this is the beginning of a great and productive friendship X-Phile. Dedicated to my little sister, who has unwittingly been a source of inspiration to write this story;) Dedicated to CHV, thanks for all your support and inspiration, love you. A special greeting to all and all those who have sent me comments from my previous writings, thank you very much.
XLiz : This story was written from the point of view characters. Thanks to Agent Macgirl to be the best that my Mulder Scully could desire. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
We
way to the hospital, Mulder is lying on the backseat of the car and I'm about to go crazy run as fast as I can.
should not be like anything new, this whole situation is constantly repeated in my life.
Running to save Mulder, see suffer accidents, injuries and any kind of strange illness, waiting with my heart in my throat to see if this time if he recovers, and then feel happy and relieved to see that everything returns to normal.
as normal as can be our life.
- Mulder, are you awake? - I try to view in the rearview mirror, but do not notice any movement.
I respond.
try to calm down and get a piece to the hospital. Fortunately is very close.
- now we Mulder, hold on a little more - say no more for myself than for my unconscious companion. I stop in front of the emergency entrance.
As I called from my cell phone after the car up to Mulder, I await with a stretcher and staff to be able to pass to her. I
all the features of the accident to the doctor, explained the evolution of their status I found when I was still conscious, he also indicated that he could not move his right arm and appeared to be going into shock.
I see that you have to check it, and I hear that the doctor asked me to wait in the room.
- Thank you, Doctor, I'll be here waiting - I leave it and walk to a window.
Now that the adrenaline in my system is going, I see around me and I realize where I am.
Just yesterday I was in the hospital, emergency room, under the compassionate gaze of the doctor who examined me, feeling the smell of antiseptic that applied to my poor, bruised skin, and my mind to seek refuge in a where there is no pain and evil we face every day.
Just yesterday it was Mulder who was waiting in anguish, to leave a doctor to confirm that I was okay, to feel less guilty, so miserable.
The memory of what happened yesterday and think about what happens to Mulder now suddenly make me feel a little suffocated. I can not breathe and I feel like I'm going to faint.
So look for a chair, I settle the best I can and close my eyes for a moment. My training tells me I can have low blood pressure, and may be due to the situations I have experienced. The anxiety and nerves are affecting me. Deep breath a few times and try relax.
Skinner I have to call, I need reinforcements if I keep feeling bad, so I frame to your cell phone to find safety.
- Skinner -
- Lord, it's me, Scully -
- What happens Scully and Mulder appeared? -
- Yes sir, but ... had an accident and we are in a hospital ... - I began to feel that I moistened my eyes and my voice began to tremble. It was too much for so little time.
- Do not worry, I'm going there, tell me where to find them -
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
- "Mulder, are you awake?" - I hear their voices submerged in car engine noise.
I guess if I'm awake, but I have no intention of answering. Lying in the back seat, smelling the cushions of rental car and seeing Scully moves the shift lever in a way that makes me fear that I crash for the second time in one day, I can only think of the irony of life and as around how many hours a guard became the protégé.
---------- - ... massive bruises and apparent state of shok.
How many times have I heard Scully speaking in the jargon tangled medical doctor nodded to not look awkward with his extensive knowledge? And although having a blind faith in his opinion, when that string of Symptoms include my name, a shiver through my body.
The unevenness of the floor of the emergency room are transferred from the bed frame to my aching skeleton in triplicate and look through the cloud of nurses around me the face of my doctor, my companion. It is not. ----------
Emetic.
Although I lost count of the times my body ends up lying on the white sheets of a hospital bed, the smell is so characteristic, so wet, so sterile always transports me to that time that Samantha was poisoned with turkey of Thanksgiving Mom and we had to run to the hospital to do a bowel prep. Since we had all eaten the same meal, I provided me a vomit that kept me head in a bucket for the next hours and forced to spend the night in the cold bed hospital under observation.
Since that fateful day, no matter how many years have passed, every time I end up unconscious in a hospital without even opening his eyes, feeling the vomit back into my mouth. Dizzy
the anesthesia eyes I can barely ajar. Scully is sitting next to my bed. How I wish that instead of vomit, the smell of hospital I remember the countless times when Scully religiously stand by me.
try to call, to speak. Not sure if I reach even finish saying his name, but I feel the warmth of his hand houses mine.
- Scully, sorry - I say with all my strength, but it just sounds like a whisper.
I see how her lips moved, but not clearly understand what he says, by his expression I know is trying to find a logical explanation for my accident when in fact it is not nothing but my own idiocy. I press your hand in mine now making it that do not have to apologize this time.
- I'm getting into trouble just as it should be me who you care for you -
She apologizes for the second time while I try to explain what we get to remember the truck hurtling toward me. Feeling a little less dizzy I get up a little on the pillow. Scully takes
now my right arm.
- Mulder ... how is your arm? -. A moment. Scully knows how my arm? I look at my hand and quick flashes of what happened just a few hours come to my mind, I remember the bright light and Scully struggling to get me out of the car. I raise my head and looked into her eyes, she looks well and his right eyebrow arches with that expression you that I can not speak, under the eye again and I confess:
- Scully, do not feel my hand, it is as if he were not there. I ... - take some air before finishing the sentence.
- What Mulder? -
- I must tell you, but I did not worry - look at her eyes again, and again I close the mine - started early this morning ... -
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
been two hours since we arrived at the hospital, and Mulder follows still under observation of doctors.
Several pictures I have taken both the chest and arms, and luckily did not show any fracture, but doctors can not explain why he could not move his right arm.
While still half-conscious, they did a CT scan to look for any internal cause, such as bleeding or injury. But could not find anything.
The orthopedist said to wait until you wake up and see what other symptoms present.
Skinner arrived shortly after I called him. He took charge of all necessary paperwork, moving his influence as FBI Assistant Director that Mulder had the best specialists.
I keep sitting, but this time at her bedside, waiting for Mulder wakes up from the sedatives that have given me and say that's what happened.
watch his right hand. In it, a first-degree burn affects the dermis, is now bandaged and cured, but perhaps you will be a slight scar. Do not know what happened, because apparently it was not a condition related to the accident and so it must also leave their lips.
- Sc. Sc .. - I hear a little whisper from Mulder who still has his eyes closed.
- Mulder Here I am, here I am - I took her hand, stroked his forehead and I smiled slightly.
- Scu ... lly, sorry -
- What Mulder?, You have nothing to feel ... - but I squeezed his hand and stopped me
- Sorry to get me in trouble ... ... ... just when it should be me ... ... I care for you -
again throwing the blame on top of everything going on around them.
- Do not say that Mulder, who need not take care of me, but apparently you do if ... What happened? - I say softly as she stroked his cheek.
- There was ... a truck and I could not ... I lost control of the car ... - seems on the verge of falling asleep again.
- Okay, stay calm, do not strain yourself talking -
- Well - now looks a little more awake.
- Mulder ... how is your arm? - I say as I touch his right hand, but not moving.
He looks at his hand, looks at me and looks back at his hand.
- Scully ... I do not feel my hand, it is as if he were not there, I ... -
try not to reveal in my eyes that is very disturbing what I just said Mulder. And apparently there's more ...
- What Mulder? -
- I must tell you, but I did not worry - he is silent for a moment, close your eyes - began early this morning ... -
------------- I have no slightest idea of what happens to Mulder.
I worked for several days with Dr. Moore, the orthopedic surgeon who came to see Mulder when it happened the accident. The same as you try on several previous occasions, including once broken pinkie by terrorists.
And next to it have been two neurologists specialists to try to reach an accurate diagnosis. Witkins and Pangg doctors are just as intrigued with the results.
analysis they have done does not prove anything beyond a few bumps and scrapes from the crash, but none that could have affected the mobility of his right arm.
was discarded because it is a tumor or stroke, and various kinds of syndromes may be associated with numbness or paralysis of a limb.
a couple of hours ago you had an electromyogram to identify the status of nerve connections in the right arm. Everything seems in perfect order.
I wait patiently to bring Mulder into her new room, and fortunately, outside the intensive care unit, where he remained until dismissed the most serious cases.
Down the corridor I come to Dr. Moore, has a folder on the size of its contents, I infer is the Mulder's medical history.
I stand up and approach him.
- Doctor Moore, how are you? -
- Very well, thank you Agent Scully. -
- Is there any news regarding the status of Mulder? -
- No, I afraid we have not yet found nothing to indicate how to handle -
Expression of doctor I do not like anything, it's as if giving up.
- Do you think it is necessary to make some other test? Not know, maybe we are missing something ... -
I can not give up, not yet, not without a fight, I find the reason for this and help Mulder.
- Agent Scully - interrupts me very kindly doctor, touching my shoulder to emphasize his comment - I understand your concern, believe me I've done everything but still do not understand what is affected, because as tested, Agent Mulder would be moving without any problem -
head bent low and breathe slowly. Try to keep calm in the face to Dr. Moore, after all I know is right.
- I know doctor, it's just that ... Mulder can not continue his work, his life ... - do not know what else to say that he did not know, so I prefer to sit back.
- I have sent information about the case to several colleagues and acquaintances in different parts of the world to see if anyone has or know of any precedent, or if any of them have a treatment that suggest, but will have to wait a bit. -
- OK - What other choice do we have?
The doctor says goodbye politely and walks away to continue their work while I'm still waiting for Mulder.
Within minutes there are two nurses bringing the stretcher with Mulder still asleep in it. During his stay in intensive care kept him sedated to avoid something that bothered with so many wires and things around him. The
still inside the room, I see it settle into their new bed and I can hardly, I approach it.
I stroke his head gently, as I relive in my mind over and over again the moments I spent before and after the accident, since I felt lost that morning.
takes a couple of days in the hospital, and you will notice a slight shadow in place that, if not shave soon occupy a beard. How will Mulder with a beard?
I feel it move a bit and try to open my eyes, I withdraw my hand and watch, but as soon as I see, closes.
- Hey Scully - half sleepy whispers.
- Hi, How are you feeling? - Does it make sense my question?
- I felt worse, so I'm just a little sick - took his left hand and feel like I pressed gently.
- Must be the effect of calming, fortunately, is the last thing you managed -
- How did Scully left the final analysis? - I said letting go and trying to sit up, only to resign himself to lie on the pillow that will help accommodate.
¿Cómo le digo esto sin que suene tan mal como está?, no importa, nunca le mentiría con algo así.
- Mulder Everything is normal, but still do not know is what you get ... -
I see waiting to continue the understandable explanation of what they have done. Let's see what I can translate.
- MRI showed nothing abnormal, and electromyogram tells us that all the major nerve connections in your right arm are in good condition, but doctors can not explain because it remains paresthesia -
smiles slightly, but in an ironic way that does not escape me after so many years.
- then I do not think I can go back to playing video games with the kids -
try again to take her hand, but will not let me, the change of position and positioned over your abdomen.
- Mulder ... - but he looks at me, turns to look out, the noisy outside world, in a move seen through the bedroom window.
- No Scully, I understand what happens, you need not worry about me -
- I will not give up even Mulder, there must be a reason for this is happening to you, and therefore, there must be treat, cure, anything we can do ... -
- I thank you, but you should not waste your time on me Scully, I see I do -
- Do not ask me to stay away Mulder, I will not do, nor I'll let you do. -
If you look at me I can not feel what you're thinking, and I like to feel alone in this room.
- Scully back to your house, I'll get used to living without an arm, a lot of people do -
I can not believe what I'm listening. Do you really think I'm going leaving here in the state that is it, that little I know Mulder.
- I do not care what you say, I will not go at least not until you come with me -
winces and continues with his eyes straight ahead, led to some point in the window, where you do not have to see me. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I just spent two days in the hospital and they seem an eternity. Between X-rays and tests of all kinds which include devices similar to those of alien abductions, I feel I've become a lab rat.
"I like her new room," said the nurse who attended me in intensive care, I've been here a couple of hours, and the hate that damn taste becomes increasingly bitter in my throat and I think I will explode any time I can not stand another second of these four white walls.
Scully remains at the foot of my bed, just had a discussion that I prefer not to recapitulate and avoid her eyes. A while ago I tried to mitigate the awful silence, turning on the television but the damn control is on the table to my right and could not move my arm I will not ask her to do it for me, yet I have some pride. Poso
my eyes at infinity and invented figures with clouds, a practice perfected lying on the couch in my apartment during the endless waiting in front of the "X" paper tape of the window.
hear the pounding of nails on the metal arms chair, I know he's upset and wants to talk about it but I will not confront.
What can I say? What is everything OK? "To continue searching for a cure to what appears to have no remedy?
Although try to avoid, in my head I'm recapping our last conversation and I resent the way he talked, it bothers me to know that she only seeks to my benefit as I stood with my fucking ass on this bed unable even to reach the damn control of television.
Did he given up? The pounding of nails stopped and shake out the door hear their own framework. Wait a few seconds to not look too obvious and turning his head slowly to check that they have actually left his chair empty, carefully observe the window of the door and see the unmistakable bald head of our deputy director, just what I needed, someone else to give explanations.
I settle back and I concentrated on the sky. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
have passed at least two hours after Mulder went down to his new room.
has not come back at me, do not actually averts his gaze from the window, not even looked at the nurse who was here half an hour, checking their vital signs.
ate something that was brought, and returned to his previous position.
not said a word. Worse I think I know what happens.
remember when we were in the Arctic, this time I went in search of alien bounty hunter. After waking toxic attack on your system, Mulder was slightly depressed for a couple of days.
I talked and answered me just could not overcome the fact that once again all his struggle and his search had ended in nothing.
When he felt better and got bored of being at the end of the world, began to tell me that wanted to go home, to take it out of the fridge. Three days after he woke up we went back to Washington and never mentioned again the subject.
After so long, nothing he does surprises me, so I understand that you are depressed and sad, but not the simple way we all get depressed almost at the end lying in a hospital, but is feeling superseded by something you can not control, and apparently this time, I can not either.
His heart would continue to pursue their cases, keep thinking and wild theories continue to unravel mysteries. But now his body does not respond.
Nothing can be worse for an open-minded man like Mulder, that feeling trapped and imprisoned, at the mercy of care and support of others. People whom he trusts, not want to trust.
I see from the door where I stayed after to talk to Skinner does no more than five minutes, has been closely watching us, and I say we, because even asked me if I have eaten and slept well.
pains me greatly that harsh and indifferent to behave with me, and I dare not enter without knowing what to say, because, unlike that time, I can not do anything to help, at least not physically, and deep down I feel guilty.
press feel the fear my heart. Fear that, after so many things, is now when we must part. Mulder decides fear away from me when I most want to be around. Fear of losing what has taken us years to achieve. Fear of not re-embrace ...
My view becomes blurry and I feel the moisture in them to start leaving my eyes warmly.
Since the incident with the damn Pfaster, my feelings have been overloaded, and I can not regain control.
So before Mulder and see the tears roll down my cheeks, I provide a walk through the hospital, hoping to get some more strength before going to talk to him. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Scully walks away, I can still hear their heels as they tap shoes the cold tiles of the hall of the hospital with the rhythmic sound he gives to his walk when something bothers her.
sigh loudly and look at the small black control again on the table, I sit with his back on the headboard of the bed and think about how to turn my body to achieve control with my left hand free throw down the drip feed my forearm. The tiny problem
warning prevents the entry of a blond woman elegant demeanor. There is a nurse, wearing a tight dress that highlights her attributes and not for my current situation would likely make a comment.
- Good afternoon ... - Takes the sheet metal of the foot of my bed - ... Agent Mulder.
His appearance confuses me for a second, but the approach reading achievement badge from his lapel, "Dr. Douglas." Does Scully has gone mad? If you do not want to talk to her what makes you think I'm going to talk to a therapist hospital?
I shake my head to answer his greeting.
- I heard that your mood is not the best.
- His sources had informed him well, I'm perfectly.
She opens the return and quickly flipping through my story.
- Believe me I understand your frustration, I too would be if he could not move my right arm and no doctor could give me a clue what is wrong.
These psychological tricks and I know I'm bored where they're coming.
- Dr. Douglas ... - I stand waiting to know their names.
-
Nancy - Nancy, would you believe me if I say I've survived much worse in my life?, This to me is a field day in my usual resort.
She squints while continuing to investigate my record and I can only think the reason that therapists not as attractive in Quantico.
- Agent, the leading cause of many unexplained accidents is the desire to end a tiring day of work, it happens to everyone and not something to be ashamed.
- Excuse me if I play bad, but are you suggesting I am making the stillness of my arm to avoid going to work?
She sits on the bed with that attitude of closeness print therapists seeking to establish some kind of physical contact.
- I only ask you to think about it and understand that a lie that seems harmless can become a big problem if not addressed early.
in my life have called me crazy, paranoid, antisocial, but I think this is the first time someone thinks I'm just a drone who invents a strange illness to avoid a day of work.
An involuntary smile of irony draws on my lips.
- Listen to Nancy, not I have no problem that requires your intervention, but if you think we should talk I do not mind, I assure you I'll let you know when is the right time. For now I have a pressing need that I can not procrastinate.
I look up and I make a face indicating the bathroom. She smiles and leaves the room.
- Do not get rid of me that easy agent. If you do not see what commands to look for before dark. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
There is a woman talking to Mulder.
At least that's what I intend to do.
After taking a coffee in the cafeteria, I returned determined to talk to him, to reassure my full support, trying to revive and restore the will to keep fighting.
But from what I have already sent someone to talk to Mulder, seems to be a therapist or psychologist at the hospital.
Mulder knows what he is trying to do, he is trained to do, try to tell someone what not to tell anyone, but it will not end, Mulder is too stupid to let you know their problems and feelings who do not know.
However, nothing is lost by trying, so I sit and wait outside in the corridor.
I sit and stare at my hands, my wrists, I can still see some green marks of that terrible struggle night. Mulder this whole distraction has helped me, and I have not had time to sit and think about what happened.
The ringing of my cell phone interferes with my thoughts.
- Scully -
- Agent Scully, as it is -
When testing and analysis was done to Mulder revealed nothing, I asked the boys to help me doing research on his part about it, and they would promised to do everything possible to communicate as soon as they could find. I guess that's why Byers who calls me.
- Byers, hello, have known something of what I asked? -
- exactly why I call, I want please come here to show you some facts and precedents that are in terms of symptoms of Mulder, I do not think that's a good idea to talk about this in the hospital -
- Very well, then in a couple of hours we see -
- Hope -
- and Byers ... thank you very much -
- no that -
I have to first pass through the house, because I think it's time to take a bath and change have passed the meno about ten hours since I got here in time for early check-Mulder, at about six o'clock.
Before I left, I lean slightly to the small glass window in the door of the room and I can see as it seems, Mulder has decided to speak with the psychologist, of course ... can also be your personal appearance which has convinced.
Without further ado this ridiculous thought, I turn the parking lot, with the strong hope that, whatever the boys have learned, serves as something to end once and for all with this ordeal. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
If there is nothing wrong with the arm unhappy because I still can not move? And why do I keep feeling is illusory itching?!
is no longer watching TV is a personal struggle with the poor remote control is just four inches of my right hand and yet remains so far.
"Thank you, but you should not waste your time on me Scully, I see I do," the last words I said to the only person I can trust my conscience repeats again and again by way of reproach.
intense heat I feel like moving from my feet to the last hair on my head and I can not avoid breathing louder.
- Enough!
turn my body with all my strength trying to reach the damn remote from my limp arm and only managed to crash it into a glass, some small fragments are introduced into my flesh, and although I see the drops of blood came through the pores do not feel even a tingle.
I calm for a second, apparently Scully has left the hospital. I cover small wounds quickly with some paper while pressing strongly the red button next to my bed.
Within seconds a nurse appears at my door.
- Miss, I need to speak urgently with Dr. Moore.
I get out of bed, removing a line in my right arm and my pants look in the drawers. For when the doctor comes into the room I'm finishing tie my shoelaces with one hand, the nurse accompanying comes and helps me finish the job.
- Agent Mulder, what happens?
- It happens that I do not want to continue wasting taxpayers' money, I need to be discharged.
- But you're not quite yet.
The doctor observes the red dots are beginning to stain the white fabric of my shirt and tries to approach. I quickly grabbed my jacket and placed it as I can.
- And do you think I'm going to have some improvement lying there? Let's be honest doc, here or in my house there is nothing I can do for me, at least for now. I promise that in a couple of days back for a checkup and I will keep in contact if anything unusual happens.
The doctor knows that reason and although I have not notice I do not intend to return to the hospital, signing out my ballot while the nurse put my arm in a sling unusable.
from the door and leave the place before I go and say
- One more thing doc, no need to worry for now, Dr. Scully, I called a couple of hours from my home and I explain the whole thing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
continued ...
0 comments:
Post a Comment